The Begining of Wisdom
1970-1990, 20 Lost Years
In 1970, having survived a one year tour in Vietnam, I returned to the good ol’ USA. Within a few months, I was constantly bombarded with disturbing dreams and what is now called ‘Panic attacks’. In addition, I could not reconcile the horrors I had seen with my nine years of Catholic education. My life had become a constant barrage of alcohol and drugs, in the hopeless struggle to make the nightmares and panic attacks ‘Go away’. At one point, I was posting flyers door to door, a job that payed cash daily and was pretty much staffed by people like myself: Drunks, druggies, and people with mental disorders. Attempts to get help at the VA seemed pointless. The VA would schedule a test every month or two and I was caught in a never ending schedule of tests, with no answers. At one point I asked my VA doctor, “What is it going to take to find out what is wrong? Do I have to get a gun and start shooting people?” At this point the VA doctor excused himself and when he returned, he had a group of VA Police with him. I was surrounded, and it was strongly suggested that I, “Sign myself in” for the treatment that was needed. Shortly thereafter, I found myself on the Psych. ward, and spent the next two weeks playing cards with my fellow patients, one of whom had attempted suicide, but flinched when he pulled the shotgun’s trigger and blew off about half his face. After two weeks, I was released and told that the longer I stayed, the worse I would get. VA also gave me prescriptions for thorazine (An anti-psychotic drug), and Valium. The Thorazine gave me the feeling that I was a participant in a dream and I just couldn’t deal with it. I stopped taking it and returned to see my VA doctor who asked, “Are you refusing to take your medication?” I replied, “Öh no sir, I would never do that.” Things only got worse during the late seventies and early eighties. Alcohol, drugs and continued bad choices were my normal behavior. Some relatives who were also devout Christans believed that I was possessed by demons. Associations with those involved in illegal activities were normal. One local newspaper referred to me as, Á one man mafia'. My time in Vietnam had left me with one overwhelming question, 'How could a merciful God allow such murderous things to exist".
Ecclesiastes 7:12 For wisdom is a defence, and money is a defence: but the excellency of knowledge is, that wisdom giveth life to them that have it
12 For wisdom is a defence, and money is a defence: but the excellency of knowledge is, that wisdom giveth life to them that have it
In 1990, I was going through some hard times. The words displayed at the opening of the movie Platoon, had stuck in my mind since seeing the movie years earlier. I found my Bible (It was a gift and had never been opened), and looked up Ecclesiasstes 11:9. As I read the words, I began weeping. To make a long story short, after reading Ecclesiastes, I started on Proverbs, then on to Matthew and so on. The tears continued, but they were not tears of sorrow, rather of joy. I finally understood the murderous carnage, the suffering and grief that was Vietnam. Abel was favored by God and yet endured death at the hand of his brother. Jesus, who is referred to in the Bible as, "The second Adam", endured a horrific death that was reserved for criminals. If one wants to find out when war is 'acceptable', read "The Sermon on the Mountain" (Matthew, chapters 5, 6, 7). War is never acceptable. For those who would offer Old Testament verses that speak to battles and wars, I would kindly remind them that Jesus represented a, "New Covenant" between God and man. Several years ago I asked a Baptist preacher, who was also a good friend, What would have happened if the United States had not responded to the attack on the twin towers on September 11, 2000? His response, "That is the stupidest thing I've heard". The teachings of Jesus in 'The Sermon on the Mountain', have however been implemented on a national level. Mahatma Gandhi, a Hindu in India, came across the teachings of Jesus in the Sermon on the mountain and implemented them in India. Although Gandhi was never a Christian and India was ruled by Great Britain, ultimately Jesus teachings prevailed, when implemented, and the British eventually relinquished India. One of Gandhi memorable quotes was, "I like your Christ, but not your Christianity." Britain considered themselves 'Christian'. Gandhi also said, "The Christians are the most warlike people". Martin Luther King started the civil rights movement based on Jesus sermon on the Mount, and forever changed the civil rights movement. War is never right. Everyone has someone who loves them (Mother, sister, brother etc.). Why then is it impossible to love ones neighbor. When I found Jesus, I no longer understood the world.
The Begining of Wisdom