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‘Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; Electric light the most efficient policeman’ - Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis - 1914
155 Lbs.
January 12, 2019 - Hannibal, Missouri - “The Joy is in the Struggle” - Swahili Proverb
VA Counselling and things better left alone
Ok, so the VA referred me for PTSD counselling to a provider right here in Hannibal, Mo. My Counselor was a very nice lady who was not condescending or judgemental. A big change from the VA. The VA seems to stereotype older veterans, (I am about to celebrate my 69th birthday) as alchoholic druggies who revelle in war. While I did have a horrific alcohol and drug problem after Vietnam, I have long since put that behind me. A few years ago I was hospitalized at the VA for pancreatitis. After being admitted to the Harry S. Truman VA hospital, a couple of doctors paid me a visit. They proceeded to ask me about my lifestyle. A 5 mile daily run and a predominantly vegetarian diet, with no smoking, alcohol or other drugs was my response. I had never had doctors openly laugh out loud at me before. One of the doctors told me I was the only person in the hospital who lived like that. The doctors continued to exhort me to quit or cut down on my drinking. Eventually, to get some peace from these idiots, I told them I was going to work on cutting back on drinking. Now, mind you, I have not consumed alcohol in well over 30 years. Later the same doctors asked why my chest was enlarged. I knew if I told them about lifting weights for over 30 years, there would be another round of laughter (I thought briefly about claiming that alcohol consumption caused my chest to expand to 40++ inches and my waist to contract to 32 inches) but what was the use. “Just lucky, I guess”, was my response. A couple of years later, I found out that pancreatitis is not uncommon among people who have had their gallbladder removed, as I had. OK, so I digressed. At long last a counselor that ‘Get’s me’. We had several weekly sessions, during which, at the counselors’s behest, I summarized some of my experiences in Vietnam in a journal. Some of my writings, subsequently were posted on this website under the ‘War’ link. The problem was with me, not the counselor. When I rehashed my Vietnam experiences, they became more and more intrusive. We finally agreed that this course of action was magnifying my nightmares, flashbacks, and more.
154 Lbs.
Picture taken May 14, 2018 at Si Como No Inn @ Beverly Beach, Florida
The VA Runaround, Year 48 OR How the mention of a US Senators’ name can open doors in seconds!
Having struggled verbally with VA therapist Lisa Linhardt, we started to communicate in early 2018. Ms. Linhardt had complained about my talking to her as an equal. Forgive me for, “Getting Uppity”. Having realized my place in the scheme of our relationship, I had thought we had ‘connected’. Just before my next appointment, the VA notified me that Ms. Linhardt had suddenly quit, and that I would be required to travel an additional 30+ miles (one way) to the VA facility in Columbia, Mo. Previously, my appointments were in Mexico, Mo., a one way distance of 68 miles. From then on, I was told, my appointments would be with Dr. Daniel in Columbia, Mo. I met with Dr. Daniel a few times, and noticed that the VA was only reimbursing me for travel to Mexico, Mo., this resulted in my losing $28 in travel pay each time I had an appointment. Upset by this developement, I complained to the VA travel pay office. They informed me that they could only pay me for travel to Mexico, because the VA had a therapist in Mexico. Dr. Daniel, when informed of this stated she would ‘straighten this out’. That never happened! Dr. Daniel also had decided that I would have to come to the Columbia VA for weekly visits. Well isn’t that great! 200 miles a week (round trip) in travel and travel pay for 136 miles. On my next visit, I explained that I could not afford a 200 mile a week trip with short pay. I really think that was the idea. Stop bothering the VA! At this point, I told Dr. Daniel that I was in the process of filing a compaint with U.S. Senator Clair McCaskill. Dr. Daniel picked up the phone, and within seconds, I was informed of a brand new program the VA had just started that would allow me to see a PTSD provider in my area. IT’S A MIRACLE!!!! I now travel a total of 2 miles roundtrip! Not 200! Of course, I never did receive the travel pay the VA cheated me on!
152 Lbs.
I have been trying to get help from the VA for PTSD since 1970!
In 2014, the VA awarded me a disabilty for PTSD. After 47 years of asking for help, I felt that I would finally get the help that I have desperately sought. After several prescriptions for pills that my body could not tolerate and caused a wide range of side effects, I agreed to go to see a VA therapist. Enter VA therapist Lisa Linhardt. Linhardt has figured out the problem! This VA ‘therapist’ tells me I need to be tested for brain damage! This because I drank heavily upon my return from Vietnam. Hooray! 47 years after my return from Vietnam! In the last 47 years, I have seen and heard it all from the VA. I have been hospitalized for two weeks in a VA ward in the 70’s at a time when PTSD was not even recognized. A few years later, I complained that the only way I could sleep was to drink myself to sleep each night, the VA counselor at the Vet Center in Oak Park, Illinois, took me outside, put his arm around my shoulder and told me that I was in luck because there were liquor stores in either direction. This at a time when I would drink an 8 ounce glass of vodka and chase it down with Alkaseltzer. At that point in my life, I was spitting up blood. Forget the 2 DWI’s and my constant run-ins with police. Two Chicago policemen had actually spread the word around that if they ever caught me alone, I would ‘disappear’. Next month I will make the 200 mile roundtrip to Columbia Missouri for 4 hours of tests to determine the degree of brain damage I have! So you see the fault is not in having seen people who were my friends blown into pieces and a red mist. The fault is mine for drinking in the 1970’s to escape the horrors I had seen, and those I will never stop seeing.
This Website designed and programmed by a brain damaged Vietnam veteran?
Earth to VA therapist Lisa Linhardt! HELLO is anyone there???
150 Lbs.
Weight holding steady, 2 hours of intense gym workouts, 6 days a week!
Liquid Lunch
Another night hospitalized at the Columbia VA. The next day, sweet release and for the second time in my life, I go on a “Liquid lunch diet”. When I came back from Vietnam in March of 1970, the only way I could get away from the constant nightmares and flashbacks was to drink myself into oblivion every night. This lasted for several years. While I still have nightmares, flashbacks and other symptoms, the alcohol is long gone.
Not to worry however. The VA released me from the hospital with a case of Ensure Plus. Ensure Plus has 350 calories per can. The VA followed up by sending me numerous cases of Ensure Plus. The Ensure combined with what foods I could still eat managed to stabilize my weight. Not only has my weight stabilized, but I have been able to get back into the gym 6 days a week.
Weight still hovers around a buck fifty (150 pounds), but strength and endurance are heading up.
HOORAY!!!!!
Not to worry however. The VA released me from the hospital with a case of Ensure Plus. Ensure Plus has 350 calories per can. The VA followed up by sending me numerous cases of Ensure Plus. The Ensure combined with what foods I could still eat managed to stabilize my weight. Not only has my weight stabilized, but I have been able to get back into the gym 6 days a week.
Weight still hovers around a buck fifty (150 pounds), but strength and endurance are heading up.
HOORAY!!!!!
The Death of Hope
382 Days after surgery. Today, I found out that the appointment I have been waiting for at the Gastrointestinal Clinic is not going to happen. The VA has decided that my problem requires that I see an Ears, Nose and Throat Clinic. I have been treating my symptoms somewhat successfully with over the counter heartburn medicine for over a year. Tums, Mylanta, Gaviscon, etc. These medications have brought me a great deal of relief. The VA has now decided that the problem is all in my throat. I cannot tell you how bitter I am becoming. 382 days and no diagnosis. Perhaps my heartburn is caused by an ingrown toe nail.
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